Open Letter to BBC

Dear Director General of the BBC,

Thank you. After last nights "advert" for the BNP I have been brain washed. Nick Griffin hypnotised me with his glass eye and turned me into to raving racist. One minute I was finishing off a bottle of wine the next I awoke, dribbling with an urge to run outside and shout "you white Bastards"! at the top of my voice, which is loud because as you know I'm "Trained".

Earlier today whilst I was in a supermarket check out I turned to the white girl serving me and said "What" in a really nasty way, this isn't like me. This I put down to Nick Griffin and the evil glass eye.

Yours

John Prescott (name changed to protect me from reprisals)

which witch would you want?

Adele Parry Actor, choreographer, teacher and my sister in law is doing a fantastic witch and wizard workshop next week. It's half term so I suppose it'll be down there with stuff to send your kids on to get them out of the house for a day. It's a fantastic idea to help people in the creative industry feed themselves without asking for handouts or lap dancing.

It's really difficult as a free lance to keep you head above water. We hear so much about big company's in trouble during our crunch la credit' I mean if Martin Kemp is doing the SCS Sofa advert what hope have we lesser mortal actors got?

Good luck Adele I how you make something of it.

A Producers lot....

I'm really pleased. If you don't know I'm producing a version of The Elves and the Shoemaker this Christmas in Uppermill Saddleworth. I decided last year that there should be a Christmas show for younger children in Oldham, as I thought Panto is a bit too old for them. It's very nerve wracking producing a show when its your own money. Thousand of pounds to bring actors, directors, choreographers, venue not to mention Santa, advertising and marketing.

Well, its starting to sell. We have two sell out performances already and tickets are shifting, not fast, but they're shifting.

I've been invited to a wedding, I love weddings - mine was particularity good - but can you believe it, I can't go, I'm rehearsing Poles Apart

I'm all alone.

I've been left all alone with a baby and a four year old boy. Surely there must be a law about it?

This is fine, but I'm supposed to be producing two shows and writing another.

Thick As Thieves from Hard Graft Theatre on Vimeo.

Good news for all you "Old Skool" Whiteley fans. Our friend Keith Hukin from reform theatre has got the means to buy me to develop Thick As Thieves . Dan and Me toured it for years you can read the story of the play here.
I'm quite looking forward to re-visiting Steph and Barry

I rang t mobile today and told the girl who was annoying me that I was recording her. "I don't want to be recorded" she said "tough" I said "you record me, I record you".

The Last Chance to See

Poles Apart Trailer from Andonis Anthony on Vimeo.

This is it. Your last chance to see Mark and Dan on stage together.

Dan (I'm going to blame him) has decided enough is enough and wants spread his theatrical wings and go and work with other people (who aren't me)

Me (Mark) am ...sad - but seeing a chance to exploit the situation have booked on the "Last Chance to See Tour"

Basically we're doing the Lowry in Manchester and Rich Mix in London.

To buy tickets for this historic event look on't me website www.hardgraft.co.uk and follow the link. or go to the venues websites above.

Oh yes, the show is called Poles Apart a cracking Polski comedy about two blokes who travel 2000 miles to Poland to get a job.

Still no hearing aid.

The dog is off his food!

I can see it now, I'll have to take him to the vets to have him operated on (which will cost me a mint) and they'll find my Starkey S Series blocking his esophagus. I'll put a new battery in and it'll whistle away all day.

In the mean time I've dug out an old NHS Hearing Application Set and stuck that in my ear.

Magic our Morris























I've lost my director for Knife Edge. Judith Barker is a class act. Many years experience and over 250 plays under her belt, she knows what she's on about. she directed GRASS for me last year found a fantastic cast and made it good. She's off to tour Calendar Girls.

I did however have some luck today. I've been selling Poles Apart again, the show that just keeps on giving. It looks like we might well be on our way back to Shropshire again. Last time we went was with Coast to Coast and we made the from page of the Shropshire Star. Then Dan and I walked across the country with nothing more than a piece of comedy theatre.

hearing aid

For the last two days I've sieved through our dogs muck looking for my hearing aid. I'm hoping that the strong case on the thing will be enough to see it through his small intestine.I was doing the dirty deed this morning and my neighbour walked by. I've got two children's spades and I'm chopping through shite. One more morning then I'm booking an appointment for the nhs audiology dept in Oldham

I hate being hard of hearing.

What?

I SAID....Funny.

Deaf - What? I said I'm deaf.

I've lost my hearing aid.

Let's just stop and read that again. I have lost my hearing aid. I can't hear a thing, well a buzzing noise the surgeon left behind when he messed up my one poor sense.

I don't know what to do. £1000 and I haven't got it. Jess (my wife) said she heard the dog crunching on something at the top of the stairs last night. Do I wait till the dog does his business and sieve through it? and if I do sieve through it what will I find there?

The worst thing is that Jess goes away on Wednesday - I've got two small kids and I can't hear a thing.

for sale - border Colly with excellent hearing