Go to Google or any search engine and look for “reformed burglar”. I (Mark Whiteley) am top, or very close to the top with an interview with John Peel on Home Truths. This is a made up story to get publicity for a play I took to Edinburgh. For the past 10 years I have tried everything to get noticed and frankly I’ve had enough. So this year I’m touring the country telling the truth about my fame, or my lack of it.
In my quest for fame I have:
1. Lied to John Peel about being a burglar and subsequently took £14,000 from The Prudential Insurance giving tips to the public about home security.
2. I lied to various News programmes on numerous occasions to give my views about being a reformed burglar, theft and how the Home Secretary should deal with crime.
3. I walked across the country, coast to coast with no money, accommodation or food. Performing each evening to survive.
4. I emigrated to Poland to reverse the immigration trend of a few years ago and appeared on there equivalent of This Morning.
5. I sold the first performance of a play on eBay.
6. I lived in a tent on Hampstead Heath for three months whilst at Drama School.
7. I performed in a porn film. (although perform is probably not the word my co-star would use)
I’ve had enough. I’m packing it in, but before I do I’m giving it one last shot. My final show is called When Will I be Famous, a look at all the time I’ve wasted in my live trying to get noticed. And because it’s my final shot I’ve pushed the boat out to give my audiences a real taste of celebrity I’ve managed to talk Amanda Holden and Pier Morgan to appear in the show.
23rd Derby Assembly Rooms
2nd Bury Met
17th Sefton Arts
25th Brewery Arts
6th Rotherham Arts
8th Guildford Yvonne Arnaud
23rd Drill Hall Lincoln
29th - 30th Lantern Sheffield
6th Queens Park Arts
13th Lakeside Nottingham
14th Venue Cymru
21st - 22nd Lowry Salford
26th - Square Chapel Halifax
3rd Stafford Gatehouse
9th The Plough