Unidentified Floating Object

My brother, Darren was the first to spot it.  He switched on the living room light at my grandma's house and as he went to close the curtains it was there.  A floating glowing orange orb hovering over Fraser Crescent.  Darren read about UFO's and had a great knowledge about extra terrestrials, so we all listened.

"What they do is take data" He explained.  "These surveillance ships scout planets for minerals and stuff, then when they have what they want targeted they give the signal to the mother ships".
"Our Darren knows what he's on about" My Grandma said. "Tell em about the pipes they stick on your head to drain your brains, do you think we should ring someone, get the experts in?"

Darren explained that in Close Encounters nobody was believed until it was too late, we should ring the Evening Post.

The girl on the phone didn't seem too interested, even when told her about the pipes sucking out brains.  "I'll take your details and pass them on."  She said.

By now word had spread and the slow trickle of excited kids wanting to see the phenomena was getting longer.  "As long as they wipe their feet they can come in." Gran told us. "We should charge." I said.

Within hours, Mr. Swanick learnt of the news and was knocking.  Mr. Swanick (Ted) worked for the council and was famously doing an Open University course, so his views were always sort.  "I've heard all about your sighting" he said. "Thought I'd come and see it for myself."  He walked into the living room where a group of ten year olds were talking about the best places to hide when the alien invasion happened.  "If they came now I'd lock myself in the Co-Op, you could live for years".

"Have you tried communicating with it?" Mr. Swanick asked. Everyone looked at him open mouthed.  "What would we say?" Grandma said.  "I'd ask why it only appeared when Darren switched the living room light on?"

Grass, Snitch, Nark, Blabber.

Grass by Mark Whiteley

When I was 20, I witnessed an horrific beating in a pub in Nottingham.  Two young, alcohol fuelled, angry men on a Friday night out, I knew both the victim and the perpetrator.  What followed was one of the scariest times in my life. I was threatened, stalked and even arrested. 

After the fight I was asked by the Police Officer what I’d seen, we all know what can happen to a grass on the council estates of England.  What would you do?  I did what I thought was right and decent and ultimately, I ended up paying a high price for being a snitch. 

Before the Crown Court case I was regularly visited by gang members wanting to know “what I was going to say” in court, under oath.  As the date loomed I didn’t know where to turn or what to do, so on the morning of the case I ran away.  Of course as a 48 year old I look back on that ridiculous decision with mature eyes, but I was caught between a rock and a hard place.

On the run from the Police and living on friend’s sofas I battled between my conscience and my fear for my safety.  In the end, Iaughably, I was “on the run” for just three nights. I had a chance meeting with an old lady on a park bench, who had far more life experience than I did at that time.  She listened and told me about her brother, a conscientious objector, who ran away for six months during WW2 then bravely returned to face the music. 

The next day I walked into Nottingham Crown Court and was arrested for Contempt on entry.  I gave evidence and the accused was found guilty and given 12 months, suspended for 12 months.  I left Nottingham pretty soon after that.

25 years later and the ghosts of my past are back.  GRASS is a new British crime drama from award winning Manchester theatre company HARD GRAFT. 

Venue -  KAVA 17 - 21 Mumps, Oldham, OL1 3TL
Tickets from £6*
Dates 30th Sept. - 17th October 2015
Time 7.30pm

*£6 preview tickets on the 30th September

How to make a feature film with £150

We've got a new podcast

20 odd years ago filmmaker Julian Kemp left the London drama school RADA. After three years training to be an actor with the likes of Michael Sheen, Mark Benton and James Dreyfus, Julian decided he wanted to work behind the camera. In his final year at college he wrote a screenplay and over the next few years went about trying to get his dream into a reality.

Listen to the podcast

Time to wake up

If you want to be in on the bottom floor here's a look at our new venue in Oldham.  We open in September, but I'll try and keep you up to date with how it's all going on here.

Better still, join the email list here  and get offers, inside info and nude portraits of me to savour.

This year it's GRASS a comedy drama, based on a true story about me and our rit.  It was first performed in the 24/7 festival in 2010 and was nominated that year for MEN Award (obviously I didn't win or you would have heard).

Anyhow, I'm really excited about this project and I think you will be too.

Share me with a friend and my love for you will never end.

peace people

Photo Gallery by QuickGallery.com

Inspiration will come, I found mine on a bus.

Daniel Hoffmann-Gill on stage in Richmond North Yorkshire

In 2007 I was coming home from London to Nottingham on a National Express coach.  I’d been auditioning for yet another tv commercial.  It was a strange time in my career, I have had some really successful periods as an actor. I did TV, Films and Theatre but I was never really satisfied.  I’d had enough of playing “cheeky bloke next door” or “the thick bloke on Heartbeat”.  If you don’t know heartbeat just google it.  So as I was looking out the window on the back of the bus an older fella came and sat next to me.  I don’t remember his name, I don’t remember what he looked like, I just remember what we talked about.  He told me that he had just walked across England, coast to coast.  From St Bees in Cumbria, on the Irish Sea across the Lake District, the Pennines, the Yorkshire Dales, the Vale of York and the North York Moors to reach the North Sea coast at Robin Hood's Bay 192 miles later.  192 miles of beautiful English countryside and adventure.  This chance meeting inspired me to move away from mainstream storytelling and took me on to one of the most exciting journeys of my life, a journey I'm still on.  

That spring (2006) Daniel Hoffmann-Gill and myself started walking from Bangor to Boston with no money, no accommodation and no food.  All we had was a 90 minute comedy that we performed to try and make friends.   We walked across the country in 16 days, we never slept rough or went without shelter.   

It goes to prove that you never know where inspiration will come and if you sit and listen long enough things will change.

If you want to know where the next adventure will take me join the mailing list and I'll let you know as soon as it happens.

JOIN HERE NOW

From the 2006 advertising bumph 

This year we’re back with Coast To Coast.  A brand new show about how we survived, who we met and where we slept en route, from the Buddhist retreat deep in the Welsh mountains, to the mosquito infested Shropshire mere.  Hear about the man whom God told to leave for America to find his future or the street sleeper who taught us how to forage food from the skip at the back of Tesco.  Fast, funny and forthright this is a show not to be missed.

Coast To Coast is an extraordinary story by two outstanding storytellers, with video diary footage from our coast-to-coast theatrical odyssey.  This innovative show will entertain and encourage the whole family to pull on their boots and have an adventure of their own…