A taste of Fame

Go to Google or any search engine and look for “reformed burglar”. I (Mark Whiteley) am top, or very close to the top with an interview with John Peel on Home Truths. This is a made up story to get publicity for a play I took to Edinburgh. For the past 10 years I have tried everything to get noticed and frankly I’ve had enough. So this year I’m touring the country telling the truth about my fame, or my lack of it.
In my quest for fame I have:

1. Lied to John Peel about being a burglar and subsequently took £14,000 from The Prudential Insurance giving tips to the public about home security.
2. I lied to various News programmes on numerous occasions to give my views about being a reformed burglar, theft and how the Home Secretary should deal with crime.
3. I walked across the country, coast to coast with no money, accommodation or food. Performing each evening to survive.
4. I emigrated to Poland to reverse the immigration trend of a few years ago and appeared on there equivalent of This Morning.
5. I sold the first performance of a play on eBay.
6. I lived in a tent on Hampstead Heath for three months whilst at Drama School.
7. I performed in a porn film. (although perform is probably not the word my co-star would use)
I’ve had enough. I’m packing it in, but before I do I’m giving it one last shot. My final show is called When Will I be Famous, a look at all the time I’ve wasted in my live trying to get noticed. And because it’s my final shot I’ve pushed the boat out to give my audiences a real taste of celebrity I’ve managed to talk Amanda Holden and Pier Morgan to appear in the show.

February
23rd Derby Assembly Rooms

March
2nd Bury Met
17th Sefton Arts
25th Brewery Arts

April
6th Rotherham Arts
7th Barnsley
8th Guildford Yvonne Arnaud
23rd Drill Hall Lincoln
29th - 30th Lantern Sheffield

May
6th Queens Park Arts
13th Lakeside Nottingham
14th Venue Cymru
21st - 22nd Lowry Salford
26th - Square Chapel Halifax

June
3rd Stafford Gatehouse
9th The Plough

To all retards out there

Just in case you've never seen my work or experienced my publicity I'd like to put things straight. After requests from 'people' i'd like to make this short but loud announcement.

AMANDA HOLDEN OR PIERS MORGAN WILL NOT BE APPEARING IN WHEN WILL I BE FAMOUS! I AM USING THEIR NAMES TO SELL MORE TICKETS, AS FAME, AS WE ALL KNOW, SELLS BETTER THAN A FAT BLOKE FROM NOTTINGHAM.

When every star raisers (is that how you spell raisers?) they are usually driven forward by something or someone bigger than themselves. Morecombe and Wise with the BBC, Abi Titmus and John Leslie, most reality show contestants and the red top media, its how people get on in this job, support acts become stars, eventually.

Lots of people in television and film would be no where without a little help from friends.

So, and this is where it gets boring, I thought I'd use Amanda Holden and Piers Morgan (as they have presented 'Britain's Got Talent' and my show was about a similar subject) and turn it on its head to entertain people. Amanda and Piers very kindly offered to film a little piece to camera for me to use in my show (hence why she is in my show, ) but it has caused some confusion with some retards somewhere.

so for the record, finally,

AMANDA HOLDEN OR PIERS MORGAN WILL NOT BE APPEARING IN WHEN WILL I BE FAMOUS!

Mark Whiteley however will be there and I'm very good!

Audience Reviews For Red Riding Hood

These are a few of the things our audience are saying about this years Saddleworth Christmas Show Red Riding Hood. If you're looking for something to do this Christmas with your 3 - 7 year olds this is where to come.


'Loved red riding hood and didn't like the big bad wolf, he had scary ears!' Faith and Great Grandma

'My favourite bit was when the wolf was the grandma and when I made the cakes!' - Yasmin.

Great show. Just right for our pre-school children. They really enjoyed it. Thank you' - See Saw preschool, Grotton

‎​​'Absolutely fantastic - really worked hard. Fab touch bringing Santa out. See you next year' - Emma

Red Riding Hood 2010

Local News from Saddleworth News our story about Red Riding Hood is about 6 minutes in, I'm the fat bloke - enjoy

photo's of red riding hood

Great photo's from Red Riding Hood this years Christmas show at the civic hall Uppermill.

record sales

I'm really pleased to tell you that we've already passed last years total of 1,200 ticket sales. We are in our third year and with the hard work of all our team - Judith Barker, Adele Parry and Claire Leaver we have gone from strength to strength.

But we don't want to rest on our laurels, we still have thousands of seats to sell for parents and grand parents looking for something to do over the Christmas period. Tickets available from our box office 0161 6242829 or online

Tuesday 7th 10.30am 1.30pm
Wednesday 8th SOLD OUT
Thursday 9th No Shows 1.30pm
Friday 10th 10.30am 1.30pm
Saturday 11th 10.30am 1.30pm
Sunday 12th SOLD OUT
Monday 13th 10.30am 1.30pm
Tuesday 14th 10.30am 1.30pm
Wednesday 15th No Shows
Thursday 16th 10.30am 1.30pm
Friday 17th 10.30am 1.30pm
Saturday 18th SOLD OUT
Sunday 19th 1.30pm 4.00pm
Monday 20th 1.30pm 4.00pm
Tuesday 21st 1.30pm 4.00pm
Wednesday 22nd No Shows
Thursday 23rd 1.30pm 4.00pm
Friday 24th 1.30pm 4.00pm
Saturday 25th No Shows
Sunday 26th No Shows
Monday 27th 1.30pm 4.00pm
Tuesday 28th 1.30pm 4.00pm
Wednesday 29th 1.30pm 4.00pm
Thursday 30th 1.30pm 4.00pm
Friday 31st 1.30pm 4.00pm

record sales

I'm really pleased to tell you that we've already passed last years total of 1,200 ticket sales. We are in our third year and with the hard work of all our team - Judith Barker, Adele Parry and Claire Leaver we have gone from strength to strength.

But we don't want to rest on our laurels, we still have thousands of seats to sell for parents and grand parents looking for something to do over the Christmas period. Tickets available from our box office 0161 6242829 or online

Tuesday 7th 10.30am 1.30pm
Wednesday 8th SOLD OUT
Thursday 9th No Shows 1.30pm
Friday 10th 10.30am 1.30pm
Saturday 11th 10.30am 1.30pm
Sunday 12th SOLD OUT
Monday 13th 10.30am 1.30pm
Tuesday 14th 10.30am 1.30pm
Wednesday 15th No Shows
Thursday 16th 10.30am 1.30pm
Friday 17th 10.30am 1.30pm
Saturday 18th SOLD OUT
Sunday 19th 1.30pm 4.00pm
Monday 20th 1.30pm 4.00pm
Tuesday 21st 1.30pm 4.00pm
Wednesday 22nd No Shows
Thursday 23rd 1.30pm 4.00pm
Friday 24th 1.30pm 4.00pm
Saturday 25th No Shows
Sunday 26th No Shows
Monday 27th 1.30pm 4.00pm
Tuesday 28th 1.30pm 4.00pm
Wednesday 29th 1.30pm 4.00pm
Thursday 30th 1.30pm 4.00pm
Friday 31st 1.30pm 4.00pm